“Ode to Writer’s Block” or “How I almost became a Romance Writer”

After reading today’s “offering”, you may think I should be fitted for one of those wrap-around sweaters that tie in the back. Enjoy! Have a good laugh even.

“Ode to Writer’s Block” or “How I almost became a Romance Writer.”

I opened my laptop, and stared at the screen.

I glared at the cursor as it blinked back at me.

I swallowed some coffee and peered at the clock,

determined to get through this writer’s block.

I paced round the table, ran my hand through my hair,

rubbed hard on my temples, then plopped down in my chair.

“Eureka!” I hollered, “now I am on it…

I think all my heroine needs is a bonnet!”

But a rude awakening then smashed my glee

I don’t write Amish…and my book’s buggy-free.

I slapped my forehead, slumped back in my chair

as the “boys in the basement” chose to play solitaire.

“No! I won’t play…okay, maybe one round.”

Then back to the book, and that keyboard I’d pound.

Two hours later, I snapped out of my trance

and decided to switch from suspense to romance.

Yes…an epic love story sounded just like the ticket.

I’ll make readers swoon, and Oprah will pick it.

A hunky pen name–that’s what I need,

so from now on “Suede Beefcake” I’ll be.

I giggled profusely, pumped my fist in the air,

leapt to my feet, then jumped up on the chair.

I danced on the table, on my chest started drumming,

sure a best-seller soon would be coming.

I ripped off my shirt, then crowed like a rooster,

until someone said, “Can I help you, mister?”

Wouldn’t you know it…it was just my luck…

I’d completely forgotten I’d come to Starbucks!

People were staring…wide-eyed, mouths a gaping,

one had a camera and I’m sure she was taping.

Others were frozen…mid-sip or mid-scone…

I decided it was time for me to go home.

I cleared my throat, hopped down to the floor,

snatched up my laptop, and ran for the door,

yelling, “I know what you’re thinking, but I can explain.

I am writer…Suede Beefcake is my name!”

My career writing romance was brief and quite tense.

And now I have returned to writing suspense.

The highs and the lows…the struggles and fighting…

Oh, how I love this thing they call “writing!”


Filed under Christian Fiction, Christian Growth, Christian Life, editing, reading, Writing

13 responses to ““Ode to Writer’s Block” or “How I almost became a Romance Writer”

  1. Brilliant! I’m new to this writing game, so I don’t always know how to translate certain expressions. But, in seminary, they use to say when someone came up with a great concept – “That’ll preach!” I’ll just say, “That’ll recite!”

    • I had a blast writing this poem. I had so much fun stepping out of reality that I might not return πŸ™‚
      Thankas for taking the time to read my blog, and especially for commenting. Blessings to you and yours.

  2. It’s not so much that you stepped out of reality…

    I’m going back to work on “Amish Zombie Moonshiners” the pilot episode is due next week and I’m hung up on how Tickle will get the still running with his arms having fallen off.

  3. That had me LOL, Larry! Almost ROF… and reciting lines to Ken, who just shook his head as if to say, “Writers. Sheesh.” πŸ˜‰

  4. Mary Gessner

    I’m sitting here in my dinning room/ slash wannabe office at my computer. It’s 3:25 in the morning (the only quiet time I have) and I’m laughing so hard tears are running down my face and I’m afraid I’ll wake everyone up. This stuff is just too funny! Don’t know how you come up with all of these blogs, but they’re great!

    • Mary,
      I guess if you have to be up in the wee hours of the morning you might as well be able to enjoy it. Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed it! It’s probably a complete misuse of poetry…but I had fun writing it. πŸ™‚

  5. Rick Boaldin

    I think you have made the right decision to stay away from romance writing. Now you just need to stay away from Starbucks, as it was obvious from the writing that caffeine has a strange affect on you.

    P.S. Will you Demonstrate your table dance for us next week in church?


  6. marycheshier

    Reblogged this on How 2 Be Green and commented:
    Love your site!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s