“Top 10 Bad Ways to Start a Proposal Letter”

One of the jobs of a writer is to craft and send out query and/or proposal letters. There are many wonderful resources available to help a writer do so with professional flair. Below is a list of a few ways NOT to start a query/proposal:

10:  “Have I got a deal for you! And if you’ll lower your commission to below 10%, I’ll let you represent me–at least for my first book.”

9:  “I was talking to my cat, Mr. Wiggles, and he told me I should let you be the first one to see this book.”

8:  “I wrote me this here book, see. It ain’t not like any book what’s been wroted before.”

7:  “I have to use a pen name because I’m being pursued by the FBI. For  a current “author’s photo”, you can see me in just about any post office. If you’re interested, tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree. I’ll be in touch.”

6:  “Hello, dear. I’m writing you because my thirty-five-year-old son–who is unemployed and lives in our basement–has written a book. He’s a decent writer when he’s sober.”

5:  “Hello. My name is Suede Beefcake…” (couldn’t resist 🙂  If you’ve read my posts, you know…) However, as a bonus, let me offer another number 5:  “UFOs are scary. I should know. I wrote this novel when I was held captive on one.”

4:  “Since I’m sure you’re going to want to be my agent, I’ve taken the liberty of signing you up for your choice of either a gift certificate for Kilts-R-Us, or a year’s subscription to the “Laxative Of The Month Club” as a token of my appreciation!

3.  “You seem like a nice person. I’ve been following you for a long time. But since you lock your car doors everyday, I’ve decided to email my book to you instead of leaving a copy on your driver’s seat.”

2.  “I’ve written a book in secret code. If you’re ready to represent me, I’ll send you the secret agent decoder ring.”

1: “I’ve tried everyone else on this list, so now I’m sending this book to you. You’ll probably hate it too.”

Just keep this list handy when you’re ready to send out a query letter or a proposal. Can you suggest any other bad beginnings?

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6 Comments

Filed under Christian Fiction, Christian Growth, Christian Life, editing, Larry W. Timm, reading, Uncategorized, Writing

6 responses to ““Top 10 Bad Ways to Start a Proposal Letter”

  1. LOL! Too funny. I love it!

  2. bsweet@wecanwrite.com

    How about:

    “It was a dark and stormy night.”

    “All of my critique partners said my protagonist seems like a psychopath, but I didn’t listen because I know he’s just like me.”

    “I’m sending this to you because I’ve read a lot of novels written by authors you represent, and they’re all bad. My book should be a welcome change.”

    “You’ll love this. My main character’s name is the same as yours.”

  3. This is a handy list as I prepare to send out a proposal myself. I’ll just re-word a couple of these to make them my own and viola – proposal complete!

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