In my quest to find the right agent to represent me, I’ve run into many others who are searching also. As a service to those seekers, here is today’s “Top 10” list:
“Top 10 Signs You May Have Hired a Bad Agent“
#10: They think that Kinkos is a major Publishing house.
# 9: They’re in the Witness Protection Program
# 8: Their office is in the back of a van, parked down by the river.
# 7: You can only talk to them every other weekend, and then it’s through plexiglass at the State prison.
# 6: Your agent only works at night, because he really believes he’s Batman.
# 5: Everytime you visit them, they invite you to sit on their lap and tell them all about “your wittle bitty book.”
# 4: Their entire wardrobe is made of Spandex.
# 3: Instead of using their real name, the insist you call them “Mighty Caesar.”
# 2: They call you, all excited, because they’ve made a deal for your novel to be the first chocolate-dipped book in the country.
# 1: Their Business Card says, “Guido’s Sewer Cleaning and Literary Service” and their motto is: “All day long, we’re dealing with other people’s you-know-what.”
ohhhhhh boy. Do you have any other suggestions?