“Top 10 Bad Ways To Start an Acceptance Speech When You Win a Writing Contest”

Still working on my version of a theme song for American Christian Fiction Writers, so here’s another “Top 10” list. Many writers–myself included–have entered writing contests. And, possibly, a few writers have fantasized about what they’d say or do if they won and had to make an acceptance speech. Here are ten things to avoid:

Top Ten Bad Ways To Start an Acceptance Speech When You Win A Writing Contest

#10:  By fainting on stage.

# 9:  By way of live video feed from the restroom

# 8:  By saying, “Personally, I think my book stinks! Wow, the other entries in this category must have been really bad!”

# 7:  By crying so hard that you short-circuit the microphone and electrocute yourself.

# 6:  By saying, “Man, this award looks a lot smaller up close.”

# 5:  By saying, “Since I may never actually publish this book, I’m going to read the entire thing to you now. Chapter one…….

# 4:  By jumping on your table and yelling, “Show me the money!”

# 3:  By staring at the editor who rejected your previous book and screaming, “Track Change this!”

# 2:  By declaring, “I’d just like to say to the other contestants, Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na!”

# 1:  By shaking your head in disbelief and announcing, “I didn’t really think this book would win when I printed it off the internet!”

Any other bad things could happen (besides me in a kilt)?

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13 Comments

Filed under Christian Fiction, editing, Larry W. Timm, reading, Writing

13 responses to ““Top 10 Bad Ways To Start an Acceptance Speech When You Win a Writing Contest”

  1. You forgot one – running away so you can throw up. LOL

    • I hope I don’t throw up if I ever am a winner of anything!

      • It didn’t happen when winning a writing contest, but I was supposed to give a speech after receiving an award a number of years back. I got so sick and got to throwing up so badly, I never could make the speech. Not an experience I ever care to repeat.

  2. Mary Gessner

    LOL LOL LOL LOL … 🙂

  3. Mary Gessner

    Second thought. At my present rate, this may never be a problem for me. sigh… 🙂

  4. LOL. Perhaps running through the audience screaming would be bad form.
    BTW, you might want to attend the Glen Eyrie Writers Workshop in Colorado Springs. Angie Hunt writes a new theme song every year.

  5. On the flip side, I think a really great way to start the speech would be –

    “This acceptance speech is brought to you by the letters U and I.”

  6. I love #3–what an evil fantasy 🙂

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