“Top Ten Really Unhelpful Comments to Read in a Rejection Letter”

Let’s face it: every writer is going to get rejected. But the rejection letter would sting much worse if it contained any of the following “Top Ten Really Unhelpful Comments.”

#10:  Not only will I not represent you, but you owe me $79.65 for toner. I’ve never gone through so much red in only three chapters! (I’m sending toner receipt as a separate attachment).

# 9:  Be in formed that our agency will not be able or willing to take you as a client because…well, that would just be plain silly.

# 8:  Were you sober when you wrote this?

# 7:  But look on the bright side: you’re going to have lots more time for other hobbies since it’s clear you’re not a writer.

# 6:  Thanks for sending me your manuscript, as you’ve made my decision to retire much easier.

# 5:  My agency will not be able to represent you. And, I’m sorry, but I will be able to return your manuscript because I threw up on it.

# 4:  While I’m certainly not interested in representing you, I’m enclosing the address of another agent that you should send this manuscript to…because I can’t stand the guy.

# 3:  In addition to the recommendation that you stop writing immediately, I also highly recommend that you go get a CaT-Scan.

# 2:  After reading only two chapters of your hideous book, I was incredibly envious of the character who died in chapter one.

# 1:  I’d give you more reasons why I hated your book, but UPS just delivered the do-it-yourself Electric Shock Therapy Kit I had overnighted to me. I’ve got a whole lot of forgetting to do!

Rejection hurts, huh?

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9 Comments

Filed under Christian Fiction, Christian Growth, editing, Larry W. Timm, reading, Writing

9 responses to ““Top Ten Really Unhelpful Comments to Read in a Rejection Letter”

  1. heatherdaygilbert

    HA! LOLing here. Love the “I was jealous of the character that died in chapter one!”

  2. You just provided me with a great laugh. Thanks! Just Tweeted this too, Larry.

  3. How about this one I got, Larry. “May I suggest you go back to kindergarden and learn your ABC’s.” No, they didn’t actually say that, but I could read between the lines. I’m going to tweet you too.

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