“Top 10 Signs A Writer Has Passed Their Breaking Point”

Okay, so most writers are willing to admit that we’re a few steps (or miles) closer to insanity than people who are not writers…you know, the “normals.” And writers will readily confess that the writing profession provides ample opportunities for a wordsmith to earn a ride to the loony bin. Here are the Top 10 Signs A Writer Has Passed Their Breaking Point” so that those who love them can prepare for an intervention.

#10:  They send out a ransom note, claiming they’re holding themselves hostage until they get a contract.

#  9:  They start pushing their thesaurus around in a baby carriage.

# 8:  They call their Senator and demand to begin receiving unemployment benefits because “Writer’s Block is the disease that no one wants to talk about…but it’s out there,” and they have it.

# 7:  They try to marry their laptop.

# 6:  They haven’t moved from their desk chair in two days. All they do is slobber and say, “Syn…opsis…synop…sis…SIN…opsis…”

# 5:  They’re arrested for showering in the sink at the public library.

# 4:  When you ask them is they’re okay, they giggle and say, “I’m crazy…no…insane, mad, demented, deranged, maniacal, daft, berserk, unbalanced, unhinged…or maybe I’m cracked, nuts, nutty, out of my head, mad as a March hare…but you must think I’m bizarre, or perhaps weird, odd, unusual, peculiar, strange, uncommon, silly, absurd or…what was the question?”

# 3:  They’re dressed in burlap and standing in the middle of a bust intersection, throwing their books at passing cars while screaming, “Thus saith the Lord, ‘You shalt read these books, you illiterate generation!'”

# 2:  They go up to complete strangers and say, “Do you have any idea how many people I’ve killed this week?”

# 1:  Stunned patrons watch in horror as the writer publicly goes through every stage of grief when they notice that someone is seated in their usual spot at Starbucks:  1: Denial–They shack their head furiously and shout, “No, no, NO! This is NOT happening!” 2: Anger–expressed by flinging their scone at the shocked man and growling. 3: Bargaining–“If you’ll move from MY spot I won’t kill you in my next book.” 4: Depression–They start weeping and singing, “You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille.” 5: Acceptance–They hug their coffee cup, and walk out the door, muttering, “It’s okay…We’ll find a new happy place.”

Help them…help them if you can.

Advertisements

20 Comments

Filed under Christian Fiction, Christian Growth, Christian Life, Larry W. Timm, reading, Top 10 List, Top Ten list, Writing

20 responses to ““Top 10 Signs A Writer Has Passed Their Breaking Point”

  1. Absolutely priceless, Larry! LMBO

  2. I needed these laughs today! Yes, one step from insanity definitely describes most of us who’ve been working on our SINopses for any amount of time…

    • Just trying to help the “normals” know what to look for 🙂 Glad you enjoyed the post, Heather.

      • heatherdaygilbert

        Yes, speaking of Starbucks–got a piece of coffee cake and coffee at the drive-thru yesterday. Guy handed me the coffee and I sat waiting for the coffeecake. WHICH HE HAD ALREADY GIVEN ME. I then proceeded to say he had NOT given it to me…till I looked over and saw the bag on my passenger seat. Yeah. Fun times when you’re coffee-deprived and focused on writing.

      • LOL! I’m glad you could drive away to your happy place after that. 🙂

    • Definitely agree re: SINopses. I’ve been perfecting the craft of procrastination to avoid working on one actually. Reached a new low the other day by folding laundry and then purging my closet AND drawers rather then work on it. *G*

      • Our local ACFW Chapter just had Kim Vogel Sawyer do a presentation on synopsis writing at our meeting yesterday. It was very helpful.

  3. Haha! I can relate. Hoo boy, can I relate………*groan*

  4. I think #10 might just be the way I’ll get published–you might be onto something!

  5. Mary Gessner

    I laughed so hard I cried but couldn’t stop laughing until I started chocking… TOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where in the world do you come up with this stuff…never mind! Don’t want to know! 🙂

  6. LOL. Love #10 and #7 especially. Hey, maybe we can get a group of writers together to kidnap each other–Writers Kidnapping Alliance.

  7. Guilty! Well, not in all of them, but I have been known to snarl and make faces at those occupying MY seat. If that doesn’t work, I can always sit in the seat next to him and start a conversation. By the time he answers enough questions, and I stop long enough he can ask THE question (why do you want to know this stuff anyway?) then I’m ready to let him know he’s my next dead body. That usually works. if not . . .

    Good thing I know the right people there who run to my rescue and gently if tirelessly urges the “alien” to move to a “much better” spot. 🙂 JK.

    Love these lists, Larry!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s