As a continued service to writers, I turn my attention to another part of the writer’s life: book signings. May this list help you avoid the Top 10 Bad Things to do at a Book Signing.
#10: The minute you walk in the door, you grab the manager and say, “Alright, Buckaroo, let’s round up some suckers and get this party started!”
# 9: Over the store intercom system, announce that you’ll be signing books in the last stall in the restroom because “that bean dip from last night is really kicking up again.”
# 8: Stretch out on top of the table and take a nap.
# 7: Sign every book in the store, whether you wrote it or not.
# 6: Glare at the first person who starts to walk by your table without stopping and say, “Ohhhhhhhh, I’m gonna get you in my next book,” then do those hand signals for I’ve got my eyes on you.
# 5: Offer to sign people’s bald spots.
# 4: Announce an in-store give away that the store didn’t even know about.
# 3: Tell people they can get the book cheaper at that place that rhymes with “Ramazon.”
# 2: Put a sign by your book that says, “Better than the Bible!”
# 1: Throw books at people and yell, “Pay up front, Miss I-Don’t-Have-Time-To-Stop-By-The-Poor-Author-Table-And-Be-Civil! My kids need shoes too, ya know!”
Now, grab that Sharpie and get going!