Top 10 Reasons People might be glad I’m not going to the ACFW Conference this Year.

The American Christian Fiction Writers Conference is less than a week away. People are packing bags, picking wardrobes, pressing kilts, and preparing one sheets. But not me. Sniff…sniff. This year I will not be attending. And that got me to thinking (ouch!).

Here are 10 reasons people might be glad that they won’t see Larry W. Timm in Indy.

# 10:  No one has to watch the pathetic display where I stand in a corner and try to work up the courage to walk up and talk to one of my favorite authors.

#  9:  There will be a few less dumb questions asked in the workshops.

#  8:  None of those awkward, “I’ve got one ear lower than the other…what’s deformed about you?” conversation starters.

#  7:  Michael Ehret or Peter Leavell won’t have to introduce me with the phrase, “I’m sorry for doing this, but have you met Larry Timm?”

#  6:  No one will have to witness me get on…off…on…off…on…off the elevator until I remember which floor my room is on.

#  5:  The local pizza delivery people won’t have to “stand by for emergency delivery to the crazy guy who claims the voices in his head are hungry.”

#  4:  No murmured questions about the misuse of plaid.

#  3:  There’s much less of a chance of hearing, “Hey, look what I can do with this pudding!”

#  2:  No one has to see my Salute-to-Spandex outfit at the costume dinner.

And the #1 reason people might be glad I’m not going to the ACFW Conference:

#  1: More BACON for everyone!

Hey, have fun everybody. I hope you have a great time.



Filed under books, Christian Fiction, Christian Growth, Top 10 List, Top Ten list, Writing

13 responses to “Top 10 Reasons People might be glad I’m not going to the ACFW Conference this Year.

  1. I still wish you were going. In spite of all that. Looking forward to meeting you in the real world someday. 🙂

  2. Mary L Gessner

    Needed a laugh today. Thanks. :o)

  3. Love it! Of course, we all know you’re a blessing, but yeah, watching grown men convulse and gnaw their fingernails to nubs is never a pretty sight. 😉

  4. Lol. Larry, Larry, you’re a blast!

  5. LOL, Larry. I won’t be attending either, and I feel your angst and relief.

  6. You crack me up! But you missed OUR # one reason, which is we won’t have to remind you not to blow your nose on your one sheet. ;o)

  7. Gary L. Wade

    Yeah, I can identify with #10 at my first conference, which was also in Indianapolis, and when I was there, speaking of #1, I remember at least one breakfast that was very bereft of bacon—only asparagus! That’s just wrong!

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