I just submitted my first book proposal. Now I’m worried how it’s going to be received. And that led me to today’s Top 10 list. Here’s what my weary and worried mind came up with:
Top 10 Unfortunate Responses to a Book Proposal:
# 10: “ROFLOL! By the way, when will you sending the real proposal?”
# 9: “Thanks for letting me read your book proposal. I haven’t slept this good in a long time!”
# 8: “Were you drunk when you wrote this?”
# 7: “Dear Mr. Timm, you can’t list Jim Rubart as an endorser of your book just because he said ‘Hello’ to you at a conference. And Nancy Mehl said the restraining order is not just a joke. Additionally, you can’t say that Chevy Chase is co-author simply because you sort of look like him.”
# 6: “Your proposal was greatly appreciated. Our parrot, Mr. Snarky, has diarrhea, and we are out of newspaper.
# 5: “Having read your book proposal, I’ve believe the best way to fix the problems within the pages is to hold the entire proposal by the upper left hand corner, and then set the bottom right hand corner on fire.
# 4: “After reading your proposal, the editors of four publishing houses have met and unanimously agreed that you’re insane. Have a nice day.”
# 3: “Please be informed that our legal department has carefully studied the marketing plan you submitted with your proposal–along with the photographs and drawings you unfortunately provided–and we have determined that all of your ideas are either illegal, physically impossible, or would require surgery to undo.”
# 2: “Dear Larry, while it’s true that Dr. Seuss wrote some really suspenseful stories, and although we agree that some might think of The Grinch that Stole Christmas as a real spine-tingler, you need to send us more recent comparable titles right away.”
# 1: “I’m sorry to report that a swarm of dung beetles has rolled your book proposal away. Better luck next time.”
Okay, friends…if I get any of these responses I’ll let you know. Have a nice day.