Top 10 Save-the-ACFW-Journal fundraiser Ideas

Several months ago I shared this list on the ACFW email loop, but never put it on my blog. Sooooo, in light of the announcement from ACFW’s Executive Board about discontinuing the Journal due to cost concerns, I’ve decided to post the list here. Many ACFW members have enjoyed reading the Journal, and I still consider having an article in the premier issue a highpoint in my writing life. But the only way to save the Journal is for money to be raised to keep it in publication. Therefore I humbly submit:

The Top 10 Save-the-ACFW-Journal fundraiser ideas:

# 10:  Request a grant from the Federal Government…they seem to have unlimited amounts of “free” money to give away.

#  9:  Create a “Mug-of-the-Month” Club where ACFW members sell their unwashed coffee mugs to each other, with the proceeds going to the Journal.

# 8:  Sell a CD of the ACFW Executive Board singing their favorite show tunes.

# 7:  A telethon featuring ACFW authors acting out scenes from one of their books, while viewers call in and pay them to stop it.

# 6:  An online auction of the “dancing elephant” from the conference in St. Louis a few years ago.

# 5:  Open a museum of “floating body parts” and charge admission. (However, it shouldn’t cost an arm and an leg….bwahahaha…uh hmmm…I digress)

# 4:  Instead of the traditional pitching sessions that happen at every conference, make each writer pay an entry fee to stand on stage and read their manuscript out loud in front of a panel of agents, editors, and cranky reviewers. Panel members get to scream, “Rejection!” and shoot red paint balls at the writer when they spot a problem in the manuscript. The writer that survives the longest gets a contract and also wins one of the mugs mentioned in #9.

# 3:  Have me, Michael Ehret, and Peter Leavell do a benefit opera. We’ll call ourselves the Track-Change Tenors and dress in red tuxedos, complete with red cowboy hats and red cowboy boots. Undoubtedly Michael will demand that red bow ties be optional.

# 2:  A pay-per-view Mixed Martial Arts octagon challenge between writers and the agents or editors who have rejected them in the past (complete with tights and stage names)

# 1:  As much as this one gives me the dry heaves, I recognize that it may work since the majority of ACFW’s membership is female…How about selling a Men of ACFW Kilt Calendar?

I hope this helps. And I pray that #1 will never be necessary.


Filed under books, Christian Fiction, editing, Larry W. Timm, Top 10 List, Top Ten list, Writing

29 responses to “Top 10 Save-the-ACFW-Journal fundraiser Ideas

  1. Thanks for the hilarious post. Although the Men in Kilts Calendar sounds intriguing, my favorite is #4. Prior approval from hotel required.

    Another idea: Years ago there was a traveling hand in honor of Floating Body Parts. Have people bid for the privilege of hosting said hand and taking it to lunch.

  2. heatherdaygilbert

    Oh my lands, the paintballs during onstage MS reading killed me! Love the list. And mixed martial arts b/t authors/agents who rejected them!? I might pay money to see that.

  3. That was hilarious. I’m seriously thinking about the Men of ACFW in a Kilt calendar!

    Thanks for the humor!


  4. I’m sad to hear about the Journal. I enjoy reading it. I think you are onto something with #1. 😉

  5. I’m sad about the Journal, too, but this cheered me up a little. 🙂

  6. I’m gonna re-post this, Larry. I’d pin it on Pinterest, as well. However, there was no pic of you in aforementioned kilt.

    • The kilt pic was banned by all of Scotland. Sorry. Not that I don’t have the legs to pull it off but in the name of global peace I decided not to go that route. I’m sure you understand. Thanks for the re-post, though.


    My submission is here. Eat your heart out!


    • Nooooooot the kilt picture! We gotta nip this in the bud…or Mr. MacGregor is going to sue me!
      I’m. Not. Meant. For. Prison! I hate flip-flogs and communal showers…ohhhhhhh

  8. I suppose it’s better for me to sing opera than to wear tights … so … in that spirit, I’m getting out my throat sprayer … “Mi mi mi mi mi mi… Fa fa fa fa fa” (Pay no attention, just warming up.) I’d do the kilt thing, but …

  9. I’m totally suing you if you steal my “authors in kilts calendar” idea…

  10. Robin Miller

    This is so funny! Thanks, Larry, for making me laugh!

  11. We [the Journal staff] knew we gave it our all, but were still sad about the decision. Really needed to see a post like this to know the Journal would be missed. And these ideas are hysterical! 🙂 If you need a graphic designer for your save the Journal kilt calendar or coffee mug set etc. you just let me know! LOL

  12. I was part of the Journal staff for this past year and was very proud of how hard everyone worked to put out a great magazine. Sad to see it end, and also glad to see that it will be missed by others! If you ever need a graphic artist for your ‘Save the Journal’ mugs and kilt calendar you just let me know. LOL! Thanks for the laugh! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s