Here are the top ten ways to guarantee that you never get published:
- 10: Actually believe that your mother knows more about the publishing industry than the professionals do.
- 9: Don’t let yourself get bogged down with learning the craft. You probably know it all anyway.
- 8: Become addicted to Facebook & Twitter, and then wonder why you never have time to work on your manuscript.
- 7: Embrace paranoia by assuming that every piece of criticism is actually aimed at you and your mother personally.
- 6: Chose 4000 cable channels, the top-end smartphone plane, and eating out several times a week as more important that buying writing books and going to conferences.
- 5: Even though you’re unpublished and know everything, assume that other unpublished writers don’t know anything about writing becasue…well, they’re unpublished.
- 4: Wait for the publishing industry to wise up to your writing prowess, rather than learning what it takes to get published. So why waste time on them?
- 3: Send a nasty note to each agent or publisher that rejects your obviously brilliant manuscript. Or go on Facebook and say bad things about them.
- 2: When an editor says that you have a severe POV problem, respond by saying that you’ll get right in to see your doctor because he probably “has a cream for that.”
And the number one way to insure that you never get published:
- 1: Never finish a manuscript. Just keep polishing the same three chapters…year after year after year.
Any other suggestions?