“Top 10 Signs Your Writers Conference Chose the Wrong Hotel”

Top 10 Signs Your Writers Conference Chose the Wrong Hotel

#10:  After passing a chalk outline in the hallway, you enter your room and the roaches don’t even try to hide. And one of them hangs up the phone and says, “You with room service?”

# 9:  The gift shop is running a special on gas masks & tetanus shots.

# 8:  At the airport, when you tell the taxi driver which hotel you want to go to, he turns blue and falls over in his seat because he’s laughing so hard he can’t breathe.

# 7:  When you ask if the hotel has “wi-fi”, the man at the desk says, “Not since we sprayed a few days ago.”

# 6:  The hot tub is out-of-order because the cook is using it to make his “special” stew.

# 5:  The “Continental Breakfast” is actually served in the parking lot, from the dirty trunk of a Lincoln Continental.

# 4:  The sound system is a hefty lady who stands on stage and screams out everything the keynote speaker just said.

# 3:  You’re sure you heard someone in the kitchen area yell, “Hey, Elmer! Is this a tapeworm?” And you’re having spaghetti that evening.

# 2:  There is no elevator, and the “escalator” is a sweaty shirtless guy–with an abundance of back-hair–who stands at the bottom of the stairs and says, “Jump on my back, I’ll tote ya right up there.”

# 1:  The guy at the front desk won’t check you in until you pull his finger.

Any other helpful ideas?